Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bubbling Up

My emotions are starting to bubble up.  You never know when they are going to explode.  The majority of the time I am perfectly fine and normal.  But then something sparks a thought and I'm on the verge of tears. I've been trying to keep myself very busy so that I just don't have to think about it.  That's just leading to me feeling exhausted, missing my husband and kids, and letting my fears get the best of me.  

I have a lot of fears still.  I love and trust my doctors.  I feel like I have made the best choices available to me right now.  I am afraid though of the unknown.  What if they find something in there?  What if things don't go as planned?  What will not having feeling for the rest of my life be like?  Will the reconstruction feel natural like a part of my body or will it feel like a foreign object I want out of me?  Will it feel like a heavy bra that just want to take off but it's stuck in me?  What will recovery really be like?  Will the girls be alright without me?  Is all of my prep going to be worth it?  Is there something I'm forgetting? 

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like your list of fears is identical to mine. I hope everything goes smoothly for you. I'll be looking for updates post surgery to see how you are doing. Even with the best positive attitude you are going to be nervous and have fears from time to time. Keep us posted.