Sunday, March 4, 2012

Rough Day 5, Better Day 6

Yesterday day was probably my worst day.  Well...not actually worst moment.  I think the worst moment was one night getting so sick from the pain meds that I was standing upright in the bathroom vomiting uncontrollably.  The puking wasn't the worst part, staying upright puking was because I couldn't yet bend over.  You can just imagine the scene.  But back to yesterday.

It really should have been a good day in a lot of ways.  We successfully made it to the dance recital the night before and had the fresh memory of the cutest little girls ever twirling in their tutus.  There were some very nice people at the Park and Rec Department who snuck me in the auditorium a little early so that I wouldn't have to stand and wait in the crazy line or get pushed around in the mad rush when the auditorium doors officially opened.  The new snow gave the girls a great opportunity to get some energy out sledding thanks to Tim and Tavy.  They also gave us a great dinner and entertainment for the evening! Thank you so much!!

It was just a hard day for me because it was the first time that the girls were home all day and I realized all of the things that I couldn't do. I wanted to help get them dressed and ready for sledding.  I picked up Adrienne for a smallest second just to scoot her over while putting on her boots and immediately realized that was a mistake. After they were bundled up, Mitch realized that we had a flat tire, so I just needed to go outside for a bit and entertain them in the snow while he fixed it.  They kept saying "Mommy push me!" but I couldn't pull them in the tubes. I couldn't pick Adrienne up after she was stuck in her snow angel.  I could just stand there and cheer them on.  Even later in the day, I wanted to play with them but I could tell that I was starting to get light headed and needed to rest. There were just so many moments throughout the day from lunch to bath time and bedtime that I wanted to do things and I couldn't for my kids.

Even when I was by myself, I was struggling.  I tried to pick up a book and read, but I kept getting muscle cramps from my arms being in the same position too long. I tried emptying my drains and then forgot that the others were hanging there and accidentally knocked over one container spilling it all over the bathroom cupboard.  My drains started having significantly less drainage, which I originally thought was a great sign.  I started getting my hopes up that they'd be out for sure at my appointment on Monday.  But then the worrier in me kicked in and I started getting worried that there is a clot keeping everything from draining--especially because of the problems I've had with my compression bras feeling like they are directly on the drain sites.  I tried a new bra (which seems to be a daily experience because this whole compression 24/7 is harder than I ever expected).  Midway through the day the bra busted right open and will no longer stay closed.  Then at some point during the night I forgot what has happened to me and what I have hanging off of my body and I rolled over to try to sleep on my side.  I screamed out in pain and Mitch jumped up to help get me back to normal because I couldn't seem to move and gave me some more pain meds.

I slept soundly the rest of the night and woke up to a much better day. I heard the beautiful sounds of the girls eating Lucky Charms in the morning.  I just laid there and fell back asleep for a bit longer.   I just need to accept that I cannot do everything and need to sit back and watch for a little bit longer.  I just need to make it 2 more days until my appointment with Dr. J where hopefully these stupid drains will be removed.  I just need to do 2 more days of compression and hopefully the swelling will be down enough that he says I'll be free from these stupid bras perhaps forever.

I had a visit with 2 great friends today that helped me take my mind off of the struggles and have some delicious meals waiting for us tonight.  Day 6 is a much better day.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Renee-I am sorry you had a rough day. I can only imagine how frustrating it is not to be there for your girls. A feeling I am sure I'll share with you when I go through the exact same thing. Reading your posts give me a realistic idea of what to expect and for that I am so grateful. I hope tomorrow is a whole lot better and that you can get your drains out! Prayers being sent!! :o)