Thursday, March 8, 2012

Negative Nelly

I will admit it, I have been quite a Negative Nelly lately stuck here home by myself.  Here's my list of things that I recently decided that I dislike.

I dislike:

Drain #4: I dislike all drains in general, but this one in particular is the worst.  The fluid suddenly turned very dark and according to Mitch has a bit of a smell to it.  He assured me that it was more than my normal stink, thank you very much.  So now we have something to see the doctor about today. 

Sleeping:  Under normal circumstances, there is nothing that I like better than sleeping or napping away an afternoon.  I like to curl up on my side with the blankets right up by my chin.  I am forced though to sleep only on my back.  As soon as I lie down, I have intense pain at the bottom of one breast.  Eventually this goes away and I fall asleep.  However, I wake up a bit later and have kicked the comforter down to the end of the bed and my cozy blankets have gone south with it leaving me shivering.  I don't have the strength to pull the blankets back up because they are weighed down by the comforter.  My options are to wake Mitch up asking him to pull them for me or scoot myself down further to wear the blankets would reach.  Mitch is working so hard taking care of everything, I don't want to wake him up.  So I attempt the scooting down.  But then the pillows need to be moved.  It's not as simple as reaching back behind your head and pulling them a bit.  I wish I could do that, but I'm lucky to be able to reach out of bed to touch something on the nightstand much less pick it up.  So that leave me with doing a full sit up to get out of bed, stand beside it, move the pillows, climb back in bed to where the blankets now reach me, and try to get back to sleep before the intense pain at the bottom of one breast gets the best of me again.

Pain Meds: I don't like them.  They make me sick if I don't eat a full meal with them.  I don't ever know if what I'm feeling warrants taking pain meds, or if I'm just being a baby.  The pain has changed from general all over ache to intermittent sharp stabby pains.

Muscle Spasms:  I don't know if what I'm feeling is really a muscle spams, but it's the general pain that is to be associated with a mastectomy. There are times where everything in my chest feels so tight.  It's rock hard and like everything beneath is being squeezed.  I haven't yet figured out a pattern of what brings this on or what helps it go away (other than meds).  I found that if I read with pillows propping up my arms, it's less likely to happen.  I feel like when it happens at night, it's not worth getting up and getting meds.

Wednesdays at Noon: We live very close to the tornado siren.  I need to remember that before I decide to nap right before noon on a Wednesday.

Opening Cabinet Doors: Who knew that little magnet closure could be so strong--stronger than me right now?

Daytime Television: I've seen every single episode of A Baby Story that they air these days, The Real Housewives of where ever is featured each day is pure ridiculousness, and my HGTV/DIY network favorites just aren't cutting it.  I'm moving onto those movies great friends have sent me this week. 

My purse:  I love my JuJuBe durse (diaper bag/purse) so much, but it has been banned from me for awhile.  Even with most of the contents removed (honestly I don't need to carry around diapers/wipes/a change of clothes for kids), it's still just around my weight limit.  I wish I had planned ahead for this because my bin of substitute purses is just beyond reach in an underbed storage container.  I now rely on others to carry it for me or not bringing it at all.  Sorry--can't pay for lunch, didn't bring my purse!Let's see how Dad likes carrying it for me when he takes me to my appointment today :)

I'll stop here to keep from getting anymore negative.  I have another doctor appointment this morning.  Hopefully, I come home from this appointment with less things on this list rather than more and a better attitude. 

Here are two good things:
1.  Aila told me this morning, "Mom, your pajamas are beautiful!" and she combed my hair for me after a shower yesterday.
2.  Adrienne sat in my lap yesterday as I read her some books.  As long as she climbs up there and she doesn't lean back, it's not breaking the weight restrictions, right? 


  1. You have a right to share the good and the bad. If you didn't have frustrations to post I'd assume you were just holding them in. Good to get them out. Hope each day continues to get better than the last. Oh and by the way you might just want to save my comments for me when I go through it so you can remind me of what I am reminding :o)

    1. Thank, Erin! Writing does really help me understand what I'm feeling more. I'm so glad that so many others that we've met through FORCE have openly shared so that these feelings are completely normal.