Funny

I've been pretty busy since heading back to work this week.  It went well.  I decided to go back full days instead of trying out half days first.  At about 1:00 each day, I felt overwhelmingly tired.  But I compensated for it in Diet Pepsi and made it through the day.  I have my last physical therapy session this week.  The axillary web syndrome has cleared up.  Now when I stretch upward, I feel just a stretch instead of a pull.  It feels pretty amazing! 

Being back to work has forced me out of my sweat pants.  the transition out of comfy pants hasn't been that bad, however I've had some issues with my top half.  I'm very happy with my reconstruction and I am so thankful that I'm able to have reconstruction that turned out so much better than many women had to endure in the past.  But...it takes some getting used to.  I had to wear a dress and a swim suit for the first time in the past week.  They feel so different and big and awkward to me. I know that they aren't that big and many people have told me that I don't look different at all, but I am still so self conscious about them.  Here are some comics that strike a chord with me lately courtesy of bustygirlcomics.com. 

Renee's Medical Leave 7 Weeks in Review

As my medical leave is coming to a close, I thought I'd put together a year in review sort of a post.  You may have noticed my posts have tapered off as I have less news and I know that once I'm back to work I'll be posting even less.  So here's a recap of what my medical leave has been like.

Even though I spent a lot of time recovering--resting, napping, relaxing, I also tried to accomplish things as well.  I tried to give myself one project each day whether it was cleaning something, sewing, or sorting though things. 

I sewed a pillow case and crib rail teething guards (not that she's still chewing on them, more to cover up the former chewing damage) all using left over fabrics that I already had in the basement.

I organized my recipe collection.  All those great ideas I've cut out or collected over the years are finally categorized and ready to use.

I made a lot of trips to Menards.  I would drop the kids off in the mornings between 7:00-8:00ish and I'd be ready to start my day, but most stores don't open that early.  Thankfully, Menards was right on the route and already open.  I finally got around to buying just a bunch of little things that we've been meaning to pick up for awhile like a new night light, shower curtain rod, or spackle. 

I read and watched the Help.  I loved the book!  The movie was great, but the book was still better.

I read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  I can't believe how long it took me to finish this one.  After finishing several books really quickly I figured I'd fly through this one, but the style that it's written in really was strange to me and I had to take it slow. I haven't gotten around to watching this movie yet, but we will soon. 

I read a couple other nonfiction books that were like the What to Expect When Expecting for mastectomy patients. 

I had a mediocre performance in this years NCAA pool.  I actually had the time to think about read up a little before my choices.  That's definitely not my usual style.  I'm pretty happy with my mediocre performance.  It's better than last place, which I've been in for several years in a row.

I lost a lot of Words with Friends games.  I'd like to think it was the pain meds taking my spelling ability down a notch, but I haven't been on those since like week 3. 

I sold a lot of items on our trading post, craigslist, and ebay.  I passed a lot of baby items onto new homes.  I had no idea there would be a market out there for my old bras, but people bid on them.  One of them went for $12. 

I became a regular at the library.  Unfortunately, my book to DVD check out ratio was way out of proportion.  It's kind of embarrassing.  I thought I'd do a lot more reading.  But movies were a mindless activity I could do every afternoon sometimes falling asleep during them.  You just can't do that while reading.  At least I don't like to...some students in my class do however. 

I watched all of the Twilight Saga movies.  I'm finally caught up with the rest of the world.  I held off as long as I could and didn't really understand the whole vampire phenomenon.  I considered reading them, but then I realized that I only had a few weeks left and the first movie was airing on FX one afternoon, so I figured perfect timing.  While I don't think that the plot was the most amazing thing ever (the scenes with werewolves talking made me think of Babe the pig or Air Bud), I was pleasantly surprised with it overall.  There were some nice romantic notions, like the way the vampire characters have this stance next to their loved ones, the valor of protecting Bella, and the idea of being able to fly off anywhere around the world at a moments notice without any concern for money.  To my surprise, watching Edward Cullen was an enjoyable way to spend four of my days off..   

I watched probably every romantic comedy that Ryan Reynolds has been in.  It seemed like every movie I watched had some sort of connecting or repeating actor from the previous one.  I started with Bridewars which had Kate Hudson, then she was also in Something Borrowed which had Ginnifer Goodwin who was also in Five, then Definitely Maybe with Ryan Reynolds and the Proposal which also had Sandra Bullock who was then in the Blindside.  Then there's Emma Stone, who seems to be like Elizabeth Banks quietly starring in every movie lately.  Of all these movies, my absolute favorite was Crazy, Stupid, Love.  It was hilarious and had shirtless Ryan Gosling.  Speaking of him, I watched every Nicolas Sparks novel that has been turned into a movie. 

I cleaned the house a lot.  I had to stay away from vacuuming for a good amount of time--you'd be surprised by how much chest muscle is used.  By five weeks I could vacuum again.  At seven weeks, I was shampooing the carpet.  I discovered some new products that made cleaning much easier.  I love my shark steamer.  It's small and met my weight restriction.  Steaming the dirt made me not have to put the muscle into scrubbing things away.  My sinks and shower have never been this clean.  I can't believe that I just now discovered Swiffer Dusters. I also discovered a new mop called the Rubbermaid Reveal Spray Mop that is similar to a Swiffer Wet Jet, but you can put your own cleaning formula and has a reusable mopping pad. I cleaned every closet, got rid of a ton of stuff, and reorganized the kids toys.  I cleaned our house well enough for it to be put on the market any day now.  If only Mitch would stop changing his mind daily on whether we should list it or not after we make our final few repairs. 

I scheduled a lot of appointments.  I had the ones that I already knew I'd need like breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, and physical therapist.  But I also thought I'd take advantage of the time and get other doctor and dentist appointments out of the way for the year for myself and the girls.  It's amazing the different vibe places have when you are there leisurely at 9:00 am rather than trying to cram an appointment in during the crazy time between 3:00 and 5:00. I convinced Mitch to get tested for allergies. He complains all the time about it and we clearly have our deductible met this year, so go get it done!  It turns out he's allergic to all grasses.  The doctor said it's amazing he hasn't had a reaction to beer over the years. 

This leaves me with one last day of time on my own tomorrow.  I made sure the house is completely clean and all the laundry and ironing is done so that I have no tasks to complete tomorrow.  I have a 10:30 doctor appointment and 2:30 PT.   Somewhere in between I'd like to get a pedicure and maybe meet Mitch out for lunch.  It's going to be a great day. 

Step 2

Even though I had my mastectomy and reconstruction done in a one step procedure, it still was really just the first step of a bigger process to reduce my cancer risks.  Unfortunately having a BRCA mutation increases your risk for not just breast cancer, but also ovarian, colo-rectal, melanoma, prostate, stomach, and uterine cancers.  Now that my breast cancer risks have been reduced/almost eliminated, my next biggest risk is ovarian cancer,  The general population has a lifetime risk of about 1 in 70 (1.5%) of developing ovarian cancers.  Those with BRCA1 mutations have about a 40% lifetime risk.

Honestly, I wasn't really concerned by this risk at first. We don't have the huge family history of ovarian cancer. But the more I learned and researched about reducing my breast cancer risk, the more I saw the connection between breast and ovarian cancers.  All of the recommendations that I've received from multiple doctors state not just a recommendation to remove my breast tissue, but also to remove my ovaries.

This is more than I'm willing to do right now.  I put all the fight that I have into this mastectomy and reconstruction and want some time to just be normal for awhile.  I understand why doctors recommend it.  If breast cancer is fueled by estrogen, removing the ovaries will almost completely eliminate the estrogen in you and further decrease breast cancer risk while eliminating ovarian cancer risks at the same time.  However this surgery has major  physical and psychological side effects.  This is not something I'm ready for yet.  Maybe down the road...but definitely not now.  I even said to Mitch the other day that I've worked so hard to not get breast cancer, I don't want to deal with ovarian cancer too.  If  I were to get it without any family history, then maybe that's just how things are supposed to be.  He quickly pointed out that this doesn't match with my opinions on breast cancer and challenge me on it.  I love him for this.  I can't stick my head in the stand and ignore my other risks.  I did this so that I can be here for my children and grandchildren; I cannot be done yet.

So Friday morning, I had my first consultation with a gynecological oncologist to find out what I can do in the mean time to monitor and reduces my risks for ovarian cancer.  I knew a little bit going into it, but it felt great to hear his recommendations.  He wanted to send me down for some tests right away that day.  All of the recommendations say to start these tests at 30.  I'm thrilled that he didn't say because I'm 29 right now, we can wait 6 months.  This showed me that's he about action, not sitting around waiting for cancer to grow.  He is going to order a blood test called CA125 every 3 months, rather than the 6 month recommendation.  He outlined exactly what we're looking for with the blood test, what would happen if there begins to be an unhealthy pattern (additional ultrasound of ovaries), and what our nonsurgical option are (OVA1 test if any mass were to be found).

The number 1 thing I can do to reduce my risks is surprisingly using oral contraceptives, something I had been avoiding for years because of the increase in breast cancer risk associated with hormonal birth control. It was interesting to find out that not all birth control options provide reduced risk for ovarian cancers.  Now that I do not have breast tissue, this sounds fine by me providing they don't make me crazy or have any additional strange side effects.

When we feel 100% sure that our family is complete, having a tubal ligation would provide additional benefits. He'd like to take it one step further and completely remove my fallopian tubes as new studies show that most ovarian cancers are originating in fallopian tubes, then spread to ovaries.  This is an exciting option to me.  It would allow me to retain my ovaries, so that I don't have to go through chemical menopause at a young age. Then when I get closer to natural menopause age, I can remove my ovaries to give me the extra protection from both breast and ovarian cancer as these risks increase with age.

I left that appointment feeling great.  I think I just found the Dr. Colette of Gynecology!        

5 weeks

Sorry for not posting lately.  I know that it's had several of you concerned.  :)  I've been making an attempt to not be online as much lately.  Someone important in my life complains that I'm constantly on my computer.  I've been making an attempt at improving this and now nightly while I used to be online and he'd be watching TV (usually some series that no one else would want to watch anyway) we've been watching movies together.  We've watched: The Blindside, Easy A, The Proposal, The Change-Up just in a one week span and that's not even considering my afternoon rest time romantic comedies that I watch by myself.  I recently discovered the DVD collection at our local library, and I've been flying through movies in addition to all the great ones friends have given to us or let us borrow. 

I am at 5 weeks post op now.  I'm doing very well!  I am doing physical therapy 2 times per week for an hour and then have a homework assignment that takes about 30 minutes twice a day on days when I don't have therapy.  My axillary web has really stretched out well and I don't anticipate problem with it for much longer.  At this point, I only feel a tugging when I lift my left arm out to the side and all the way up to the top (think like jumping jack or snow angel).  When I hit the point of about 120 degrees to 180 (which I can't quite reach yet anyway without my physical therapist pushing it there in a stretch), I feel a lot of pulling and tightness.  But it's getting better with each session.  I can now put my arms behind my head lying on the ground (think like start of a situp) and my elbows can touch the floor without a problem.  I can now cuddle close with the girls and do not feel any pain.  I even lifted Adrienne up a few time this week piggy back.  I am physically almost back to normal other than still getting tired really fast.  And when I do get tired, I am like completely wiped out tired (the kids noise won't even wake me up out of a nap). 

I am getting a little bored with being home.  This week I decided to start sewing again.  I made Adrienne a pillow case and fixed something that's needed repairs for over a year.  I organized a whole bunch of closets (don't worry, I was following my restrictions and just left boxes or piles for Mitch to move later). I'm crazy for saying this, but I'm almost ready to go back.  I really do miss my students and the friends at school.  I go back to work in two weeks.  I planned on taking 1/2 days for the first week back, but this week I'm going to see if I can stay a bit more active.  If I'm ok, then I'll go back full time right away.  So...you may not see another post from me for awhile because I'm going to try to relax on my last week off (this week is technically my last, then next week happens to be our spring break.)

What I've accomplished today...

I made it out of the house with two kids by 7:00 and made it to Physical Therapy for 7:30.

I blow dried my hair with a round brush and arms behind my head.

I replied to a whole bunch of emails, wasted about 3 hours on the couch, and ate half a box of Girl Scout cookies.

It's been a great day.  I'm off to another appointment now hoping to hear that my incision are looking good.

Run

I ran for the first time yesterday!  Despite the cording, I got the ok to try "light jogging."  They recommended loading on the sports bras, not because they're going anywhere but just to make me feel more secure.  I did a slow mile and a half, walking a bit before and after.  It felt good!  I felt like I could have kept going a while longer, but knew that I needed to keep it light, so I stopped anyway.  However, I will admit that run was ALL that I did the entire day.  I was on the couch the rest of the day.  I wasn't sore or anything, just tired.

So now, who wants to do the Cellcom Marathon Relay with me???

Cord

It's official.  I have Axillary Web Syndrome. I have a cord in my left armpit.  I can feel it and see it now if I hold my arm up a certain way.  It feels very strange like tiny ropes being pulled in my arm and armpit.  It is the result of some of the vessels being damaged during the sentinel node biopsy. (Sentinel Node Biopsy was the biggest set back of surgery day for which I received the bill of $588 for yesterday--I wonder if they took anything off for waiting over 2 hours for a five minute injection.)  The lymphatic system has been disrupted and now it's trying to restructure itself to find a way for the lymph to drain.  Here's a picture of someone much skinnier than me.  Luckily I have some meat on my bones and mine doesn't stick out like this.   

There is shockingly little information available about it.  Prior to surgery, I heard all about the lymphedema risk, but never this. The few pieces of information that I have found out there all contradicts each other.  One study says that it occurs to 6% of patients, another 40%, another claims that as many as 72% of patients develop it but it's just not well documented because most women think that it's just pain associated with mastectomy and don't notice because they never see the cords pop out.  Some studies say that leads to an increased risk of lymphedema, others disagree.  All studies agree on treatment involving stretching, which I have already started and am doing several times a day. The cord and developing web will go back to normal or pop in weeks or months, but there's no way of knowing how long it will be. However, some women are still bothered by in years following their mastectomy.

As much of a pain as this is, my motto is . . . it's better than cancer.

Day 23

It's been 23 days since surgery.  That's just over 3 weeks.  I'm almost back to normal with the exception of not lifting things and getting tired easily.  I had another Physical Therapy session this morning and tried Zumba Gold yesterday.  It's so strange how some simple moves can feel so different now.  The very first song during the warm up of Zumba had an arm movement that I've done hundreds of times previously and never thought would be a problem, but I felt it!  I had to take it so slow (slower than the moves already are during Gold!) and make sure that it was good stretching pain not hurting pain.  I had fun the rest of the time, once I realized what I could and couldn't do

Before surgery I worked really hard building up my core muscles so that I could handle movement post surgery with ease.  My torture for this was holding plank position for 2 minutes at a time.  It was tough, but I could do it.  Now, instead of holding plank, my two minutes of torture is simply lying on my back with my hands behind my head letting gravity pull my elbows down to the ground.  This sound so simple, but is so challenging for me right now.  Most of my pain right now is in my armpit area rather than directly on my chest.  There just a crazy tightness there.  My physical therapist said that this is typical because that's the center of where everything goes to (nerves, vessels, etc.)  and that my chest is numb therefore, I'm not feeling the muscle stretching pain there. 

She talked to me today about Axillary Web Syndrome or Lymphatic Cording. Because of the pain I describe during movement sounds like that, we're going to just make sure we keep things moving and stretching so that it doesn't turn into it.  I don't really want guitar like strings poking out from me, so I'll be working hard on those exercises.

 I even felt so good today, that I went to Younkers to do a little shopping with their Good Will sale.  Of course, the one day I choose to do something fun for myself during recovery, I see a student's mother there shopping as well.  Oh well, she was very understanding and I got myself some good deals.

Physical Therapy

First day of physical therapy was tough.  She had me stretching and pushing it a lot further than I even would have done for myself.  That's the point though.  I already feel less tightness across my chest and shoulders.  Funny moment of the morning was when I realized that my bra had burst open again at some point during the exercises and I never noticed.  I have no feeling there and I was concentrating on the movements.  I didn't notice until I stood up to leave and my shirt wasn't lying right.  Oops!  If you ever see me having a wardrobe malfunction, please tell me because I probably don't notice. 

Tonight we have a dinner waiting for us made by Chef Kelly (PCMC's private chef and hospitality specialist).  It looks delicious.  I'm having a hard time waiting for dinner and not tearing into it (especially the cake) right now.

Beautiful weather

This weather has been beautiful! I'm really enjoying going on walks and sitting outside watching the girls playing in the backyard.  However, I must admit that this warm spring isn't really compatible with my post mastectomy wardrobe plans.  I really would like a few more weeks to hang out in over sized sweatshirts.  I have movement back enough to get into regular shirts, so I am no longer limited to button up shirts, zip front hoodies, or step into tanks--getting them off is sometimes tricky though still.  It's just that my skin is having some sort of a reaction still to something used during surgery and is peeling like crazy.  I don't really want to show off my arms yet in this condition.  Now onto my other interesting problem...my underarms.  Apparently placing something under your pectoral muscles reshapes your underarms as well as your breasts.  I now have to figure out how to shave these newly shaped underarms which has not been very successful yet.  I'm hoping it just takes time.  If not, I'll be having laser hair removal soon.  I wonder if my Plastic Surgeon would give me a deal on it?  So if you happen to see me out, please ignore the flaking skin and possible hair.  Thanks!